


Red

by yooodles



Series: Extended Play [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Doyoung is in a band, Established Relationship, Heartbreak, M/M, Making Out, Rimming, Slight Time Skips, Smut, Student Jaehyun, Unhappy Ending, but there's a sequel with a happy ending!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-04-07 15:56:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19088284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yooodles/pseuds/yooodles
Summary: In between growing up and following their dreams, Doyoung and Jaehyun learn that maybe love isn’t always enough.





	1. Lock and Key

**Author's Note:**

> The sequel to Cocoon is here and this time it's going to be in Doyoung's perspective. If you haven't read [Cocoon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18752392/chapters/44484556)  
> yet, I'd highly recommend reading it first as it explains how they get together. Hope y'all enjoy!
> 
> (If you're here for smut feel free to just read chapter 2)

Doyoung fumbles with the mass of balloons in hands, squirming to grab at all the strings as they struggle to escape his grip. His palms are sweaty and he feels a little nervous although he really has no reason to be. He rarely surprises his boyfriend like this and he already knows Jaehyun will be happy to see him. Maybe because being on campus still makes him uneasy, he still doesn’t know how Jaehyun spends basically his whole life here. He hates the legal studies building in particular, something about all the slouched shoulders and stuffy air that smells perpetually like old books make him feel like ten years have been taken off his life.

He shifts impatiently on the spot as he waits for Jaehyun’s class to finish. Students are starting to file out of the classrooms around him and he can’t even pretend to himself that he’s not uncomfortable when he starts to get stares.

Doyoung knows he stands out, he’s dressed in all black with overly ripped jeans and his favourite leather jacket. He suddenly feels self-conscious of his dangly earrings and painted black nails. He almost regrets styling his back today, he knows it makes him look even more intimidating, but Jaehyun has always said he looks hot like this so he pushes those thoughts aside. While no one would bat an eye at him in the circles he usually runs in, here it almost feels like every other person is giving him a double-take.

Although part of that could also be due to the fact that he’s currently holding onto a dozen bright red mylar balloons, bobbing around in the air as he shifts from foot to foot. It’s probably a little dramatic, even for him, but he never did have to best self-control when it came to Jaehyun. Besides, it wasn’t his fault that his boyfriend’s birthday had to land on Valentine’s Day. When else was he going to get a chance to be this obnoxious and embarrass Jaehyun like this, _although at this rate he was the one feeling embarrassed._

Before he can lose himself more in his own head, Jaehyun appears, eyes instantly widening at the sight of Doyoung. He can tell by the way his face is quickly flushing to match the colour of the balloons and his body is twitching towards the other direction that he’s tempted to run away. Doyoung wasn’t going to let all his effort go to waste though, so before Jaehyun can even begin to attempt to make his escape, Doyoung more or less leaps across the floor, shoving the mess of balloons into his face.

“Happy birthday, baby,” he announces loudly as Jaehyun tries to swat the balloons away.

If the people around them weren’t looking at him before, they certainly were now. He can hear the sounds of Jaehyun’s classmates whispering and giggling around them, but pays it no mind. All his attention is focused on Jaehyun now, and the way he’s opening and closing his mouth in disbelief, trying to come up with a response.

It’s almost funny how much of a stark contrast Jaehyun is to him. Where he is all dark colours and sharp edges, Jaehyun is bright and soft all over. Dressed in a pair of light-wash jeans and a cream-coloured sweater, he doubts any stranger would even assume the two of them were together. That was okay though, he didn’t like to think about what other people thought of him, of them. Or at the very least, he tried not to. It wasn’t any of their business anyways. Especially now with Jaehyun looking so cute in front of him. Doyoung had always thought Jaehyun looked the most attractive when he was flushed like this.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun mumbles quietly, too embarrassed to look up at him directly, “what are you doing here? What’s all this?”

Doyoung uses his free hand to lift Jaehyun’s chin up to properly face him, leaning in to press a light kiss on his lips, which Jaehyun accepts immediately with a shy smile. He gives in to the urge to gently caress the dimple that appears with his thumb. The rest of the students clear out quickly after this, probably sensing the privacy of the moment.

“Thought I’d surprise you,” he says softly with a voice he reserves only for Jaehyun, “you’re done class right? Let’s go out and celebrate. We can go to your favourite restaurant and get those little cakes you like for dessert.”

Jaehyun’s smile falters and he looks down again. “I promised I’d meet up with my study group tonight,” he says quietly.

“Oh,” Doyoung says, but the look on Jaehyun’s face is so apologetic he can’t even bother to be mad, “That’s alright. You’re working hard, I understand. We can celebrate later tonight then, just the two of us?”

Jaehyun nods eagerly and this time he’s the one to lean forward to kiss Doyoung again, holding their lips together for a moment, and Doyoung sighs into the familiar warmth of his lips.

“Love you,” Jaehyun whispers as he pulls back, giving him on final apologetic look before turning to exit the hallway, leaving Doyoung by himself with his balloons.

 

It takes longer than he would have liked, but Jaehyun finally messages Doyoung to let him know that he’s on his way home. He scrambles around the apartment trying to get the last minute finishing touches ready for Jaehyun’s return. Not that he really has much up his sleeve for the impromptu night in. The apartments still a little messy and the balloons are scattered all around the living room ceiling, but he couldn’t really be bothered to try and wrangle them back up again and he knows Jaehyun won’t mind.

He carefully takes the little cake he’d purchased on the way back out of the fridge, placing it aside on the counter, before setting up two place settings at the dining room table with the food he’d just ordered from their favourite takeout place. Jaehyun had mentioned that he hadn’t eaten yet and knowing his appetite, he was probably starving.

The door clicks open and Doyoung bolts up straight from where he’s been trying to sneak some frosting off the cake without being obvious. Although he must not have been doing a very good job, because Jaehyun spots him as soon as he walks in, removing his shoes neatly at the doorway before approaching him an eyebrow raised.

“Looks like someone’s been busy,” he says amusedly, eyeing the cake with a very obvious dent in the top of the frosting.

Before Doyoung can huff and adamantly deny any accusation that’s about to come his way, Jaehyun reaches a thumb out to swipe along his upper lip, making a point to show Doyoung the glob of frosting he collects before sticking the finger in his own mouth.

“Mmm, is that strawberry? I think I need to have one more taste,” he says before capturing his lips in a sweet kiss.

“Since when did you get so bold?” Doyoung rolls his eyes at him when they break apart.

Jaehyun shrugs, “I’m in a good mood. My hot boyfriend surprised me in school today and right now something smells delicious so you better feed me in the next minute or I’m going to die of starvation.”

Doyoung laughs and shoves Jaehyun towards the dining table, “Go eat.”

Jaehyun doesn’t hesitate for a second the moment he eyes the food on the table, and his mouth is already half-shoved full of noodles by the time Doyoung even sits down. He digs in as well and they eat in comfortable silence, far too focused on practically inhaling their food to even bother to keep up a conversation.

When they’re done and the plates are cleared, Doyoung fetches the cake and two forks to bring over to the couch where Jaehyun is now sat curled up. They’re both too impatient to do the whole candles and birthday song thing, the sentiment already there so it shouldn’t really matter. He doesn’t bother to cut the cake either, he figures it probably more _romantic_ to share like this, and they’ll probably finish the whole cake in this one sitting anyways. He’s right in the fact that it doesn’t take long for them to get through the cake, both of them trying to outdo each other with exaggerated moaning noises after each bite until they are both reduced to a mess of frosting and giggles.

Doyoung gets the bright idea to dip his fingers into the residual frosting and quickly smear it all over Jaehyun’s face when he isn’t looking. He’s caught completely off-guard, looking absolutely affronted that Doyoung would ever dare do such a thing, and all Doyoung can do is grin widely in response. Instead of using a tissue to clean him off, Doyoung uses this as an excuse to lean in and kiss Jaehyun and his frosting covered mouth, tongue darting out to clean the rest of it off.

Although Jaehyun makes a noise of disgust at Doyoung’s attempts to lick all over his face, he doesn’t pull away, eventually nosing his way to firmly re-attaching his lips back to Doyoung’s and pulling the rest of his body on top of his own to deepen the kiss.

Doyoung is breathless when they finally tear away from each other, propping himself up on his elbows over Jaehyun with a pleased smile.

“I have a present for you,” he says excitedly, before extracting himself from Jaehyun’s grasp and scurrying off their bedroom to fetch his gift.

He reappears with a little black jewelry box, bubbling in anticipation as he hands it over to Jaehyun without much fanfare. Jaehyun eyes the box before meeting Doyoung’s eyes with the same look curious look.

“Stop staring at me and just open it,” Doyoung prods impatiently and Jaehyun sticks his tongue out at him but obliges.

His face breaks out into a wide smile as soon as he opens the box, delicately lifting out the silver necklace Doyoung had picked out a few weeks back.

“It’s a lock,” Jaehyun states as his flips the tiny pendant over and Doyoung can tell by the way his eyes are shining that he’s noticed the engraving of their initials he had done on the back, “It’s beautiful.”

Instead of answering, Doyoung reaches into the collar of his own shirt, gently pulling out his own necklace for Jaehyun to see. Instead of lock for the pendant, his features a tiny matching key with the same engravings. Jaehyun carefully takes Doyoung’s pendant into his own hand to inspect it, holding his own up beside it.

Doyoung gently brushes Jaehyun’s hair away from his forehead to get a better view of the look of adoration that’s adorning his face. “Do you like it?” he asks, even though he has a pretty clear idea of the answer already.

“I love it,” he replies, looking up Doyoung with a soft smile before kissing him full on the lips.

It’s not often they get each other gifts, even on birthdays and holidays, but with Jaehyun working so hard lately in school, it felt like they rarely got a moment to themselves anymore, so Doyoung wanted to do a little something extra special. Jaehyun pulls back for a second to fasten his own necklace around his neck.

“Why am I the lock?” he asks teasingly as he struggles with the clasp, “Is this another joke about me bottoming?”

Doyoung laughs at him with a shake of his head, taking over for Jaehyun’s clumsy fingers and fastening the necklace securely in a second. Then he’s kissing him again, and from the way the rest of the night progresses, Doyoung thinks this was perhaps one of the best decisions he’s ever made.

-

Doyoung clutches his shitty beer, closer to his body as he tries to navigate the crowd in search of someone he recognizes. He was at another one of those stupid label parties he’d weaseled an invite to, in hopes of promoting the band and talking up any record label execs he might come across. It’s a slow and tedious process, but he had no choice but to tough it out if he wanted to get somewhere.

It’s been a bit of a rough patch for him since their last label dropped them, and they were all working twice as hard to make up for all the lost time and resources they had put into that opportunity. It had looked solid and he had thought they’d finally found their ticket to fame, only to have the label go behind their backs and approach Doyoung for a solo debut instead.

He’d remembered how angry he’d been at that, ripping up the contract right in front the head producer before storming out of the office and never looking back. As petulant as he had acknowledged his reaction to be, there was no way he was going to debut without the rest of his band. It insulted him that the label even dared to approach him with such an offer, the band had been together for far too long and been through far too much for it to even be a matter of consideration.

From there on out, they were back to hustling. Doyoung’s hasty reaction had certainly put a bit of a wedge between the members. Johnny was appalled to learn that Doyoung had flat out rejected the solo opportunity, but he remained adamant that they were going to do this together or not at all. There was a fair bit of arguing and agitation between the members. They had to find something fast or consider that maybe this wasn’t meant to be.

This has been a point of great stress for Doyoung lately, especially now that Yuta’s been saying that he’ll only stick it out until the end of the year before he’s quitting and going back to school. It doesn’t help that they are already halfway through the year not anywhere near to finding anyone to sign them. He feels like he’s reached a dead end, frustrated and for the first time, unsure how everything is all going to work out. He had spent the majority of his adolescence positive that he was going to make it big by now and it was disheartening to know that they weren’t any closer than when they started.

He often thinks about how well Jaehyun is doing, breezing through his undergraduate studies, even taking courses during the summer to help gain extra credits in hopes of graduating faster. With the state of his grades, there wasn’t any doubt he’d get into his law school of choice. It almost made him jealous to see how easily his boyfriend was working towards his dream while he was struggling to even come close.

“Doyoung!” he hears a voice yell over the music and immediately spots the top of Johnny’s head over the crowd as he walks over to join him.

“Hey Johnny,” he greets with a smile as he lets his friend guide him towards the centre of the room.

“That,” he gestures towards a booth at a middle-aged balding man dressed in what looked to be a very expensive suit, “is the head talent scout for SM Records. I chatted with him a bit about the band but he wants to talk to you, the lead singer and face of the band.”

Johnny plucks the beer out of his hand and gives him a little push. “Go to your thing,” he whispers before disappearing into the crowd once again.

Doyoung takes a deep breath to gather his courage. He knows how these things go and he’s beginning to regret not drinking something stronger than beer beforehand. He plasters a sweet smile on his face that he knows men like this land he approaches the booth with smooth, confident strides. He doesn’t hesitate to slide himself into the booth right beside the talent scout, who already has his eyes on him as he extends a hand out to introduce himself.

“I’m Kim Doyoung,” he says, making sure to tilt his head slightly so that the man can get a full view of his face, “Johnny told me you wanted to speak to me.”

“Indeed I did, I’m Jeremy Park” the man says and smiles, showing off a full mouth of yellowing teeth and Doyoung has to remind himself not to scowl, “tell me more about this little band of yours.”

He takes Doyoung’s hand eagerly and shakes it, holding on a tad longer than necessary. Doyoung forces himself to smile wider and resists the urge the wipe his hand on his pants. He begins explaining the basics of the band to the talent scout, making sure to keep his voice as bright and even as possible. Jeremy leans in closer to Doyoung and nods along as he speaks, but he can tell that he’s not really listening to his words. It doesn’t really matter though, he can work with this as long as he’s gotten his attention one way or another.

Doyoung flinches when Jeremy rests a hand just above his knee, and has to collect himself momentarily before he can continue speaking. He doesn’t seem to notice the pause and Doyoung carries on, trying to ignore the hand on his leg, despite the fact that his entire body is screaming at him to get away.

It’s times like these that Doyoung begins to question his own career choice, but nevertheless, he toughs it out. He hates the idea of being a quitter more and he knows this is an opportunity he won’t get again. The grip of the hand on his leg gets progressively tighter and he swears it’s slowly inching higher as well. He’s said what he’s needed to say at this point and Jeremy is just trying to prolong the conversation with small talk. He’s about a minute away from just giving in and shoving Jeremy away from his body when Yuta swoops in and saves the day.

“Doyoung, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” he announces loudly as he runs up to the two of them and by the tone of his voice Doyoung can tell that he making this up, “Mark just threw up on some model and he needs your help.”

Doyoung gives Yuta a grateful smile before shooting out of his seat, sighing in relief when the hand finally slides off his leg in the process.

“I apologize, Jeremy,” he says to the talent scout with a polite bow, “I need to attend to this. Enjoy the rest of your night.”

“What a shame,” Jeremy drawls, shamelessly eyeing him up and down one last time and making Doyoung’s skin crawl, “I’m sure I’ll see you again though. I look forward to it.”

Doyoung gives him one more nod before grabbing onto Yuta and making his escape.

“You shouldn’t have to put yourself through this,” Yuta says as soon as they make their way back to the edge of the room.

“It’s fine,” he brushes him off, “you know I have to.”

Yuta just sighs but doesn’t say anything more. Doyoung can’t tell if it’s because he agrees or just doesn’t want to argue. He can’t decide which option he’d prefer.

 

He doesn’t expect Jaehyun to still be awake when he gets home, he usually sleeps early to make it in time for his early classes so Doyoung is surprised to find him curled up on the couch with a book. Jaehyun peers up at him with a smile as he enters, and Doyoung immediately trods over to him, plopping himself down on the couch beside him.

“Hey baby,” he greets, as Jaehyun puts his bookmarks his page in the book and places it down on the coffee table, “what you still doing awake?”

As if on cue, Jaehyun lets out a wide yawn. “I wanted to finish this chapter,” explains sleepily, “ _and_ I was hoping to catch you before I went to sleep.”

Doyoung smiles fondly at him, reaching out to stroke a hand through his soft, freshly cleaned hair and Jaehyun leans into the touch.

“Well I’m home now so let’s get you to bed,” he says softly, hoisting Jaehyun’s body up from the couch and half-carries him to the bedroom.

He helps Jaehyun peel off his clothes until he’s left in his boxers and tucks him under the sheets just like how he looks it, wrapped up in a little cocoon of warmth. When he draws back, Jaehyun lets out a little noise of complaint and reaches out to grab at Doyoung, “Aren’t you going to bed too?”

Doyoung wiggles out of his grasp with a chuckle, “I join you in a bit, I want to get some writing done first.”

Jaehyun pouts but mumbles out an _okay_ anyways, knowing full well there was no point in arguing. Doyoung leans in to give him a kiss goodnight, only to have Jaehyun pull back with a grimace a second later.

“You taste like beer,” he whines and turns his head away.

Doyoung feels a little bad because he knows that Jaehyun doesn’t like it when he drinks on weekdays, even if it was for work-related reasons.

“I’m sorry,” he tries to say but by now Jaehyun’s breathing has already evened out.

Doyoung sighs and gets up to close the light to the bedroom and head back to the living room. He’s been having trouble sleeping and when he does he’s often plagued with uncomfortable dreams, likely a direct result of the amount of stress he’s been under lately. Instead of wasting time lying awake in bed, he spending his nights with his guitar and notebook, working on composing songs and lyrics. He finds that the best ideas always come to him during the hours between midnight and dawn, so he sees no point in not using his insomnia to take advantage of this.

He hums a soft tune to himself, occasionally strumming before pausing to jot down chords or lyrics. He writes songs about Jaehyun and his life, but mostly Jaehyun because he can barely remember a time when Jaehyun wasn’t the centre of his entire life.

He notices in the back of his mind that his lyrics have begun to sound a bit melancholy lately, but tries not to dwell on it too much. Over the years he’s found it to be almost therapeutic for him to write songs. Translating his emotions, ranging from happiness to frustration, into lyrics and melodies helps to calm him down a bit, especially after the night he’s had.

Most of the songs Doyoung writes never even see the light of day, and he only picks the best of the best to bring to his band to play. He’s self-conscious about his work and doesn’t even like to show Jaehyun, only entertaining him with short snippets when he begged. While he’s sure Jaehyun knows full well that his notebooks are full of lyrics about him, Doyoung still finds it weird to sing songs he wrote about Jaehyun to his face, so he tries to avoid it as much as his can.

If there had to be any way for him to perform his songs to Jaehyun, he wants it to be on a big stage above an audience of cheering fans one day. He would find and meet Jaehyun’s eyes right in the middle of the crowd as his sings and he imagines that maybe then, he’d finally feel confident enough about his work.

Like most of the nights he spends writing, Doyoung doesn’t realize when he doses off until he’s being jostled awake by Jaehyun’s hands the next morning.

“Doyoung wake up,” he hears him say exasperatedly as he opens his eyes to take in his surroundings, “you fell asleep on the couch again.”

Indeed he does find himself lying awkwardly over their little couch, his notebook left neglected on the floor, and his guitar balancing precariously on his chest. He groans as he sits up, his back aching from the weird position he slept in. He shoots his boyfriend an apologetic look but Jaehyun only sighs, carefully taking his guitar and returning it to its stand before turning his stern gaze back to Doyoung.

“You didn’t come to bed last night,” he states even though they are both well aware of that fact.

Doyoung stretches his arms out and rolls his neck in an attempt to loosen some of his stiff muscles, “I must have lost track of time, I won’t let it happen again.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, “This is the fourth time this month already.”

Doyoung looks down and doesn’t reply because there isn’t anything he _can_ say. Jaehyun’s right and there’s not much he can do about it now. Every time Jaehyun’s found him in the morning asleep on the couch, he’s given him the same look of disappointment and sadness. He hates seeing that look on his boyfriend’s face and hates it even more that he’s the cause of it.

Realizing that Doyoung wasn’t going to say anything more, he hears Jaehyun walk away. It is only when he hears shuffling noises that he looks up again and spots Jaehyun putting on his backpack and shoes by the doorway. Jaehyun notices and tries to give him a little smile, but Doyoung can tell it’s forced.

“I have to go to class now. You should go back to sleep, in a proper bed this time. The dark circles under your eyes are getting worse,” he opens the front door to leave, but pauses before he steps out, “Love you, I’ll see you later.”

“Love you too,” Doyoung calls out in response right before he hears the door click.

With another groan, he drags himself off the couch and into the bedroom to do exactly what Jaehyun had instructed.


	2. Last Time

It’s a Friday night and Doyoung is antsy. It’s been a quiet week, no one’s asked him to go out and Jaehyun’s spent most of his days at the library. His midterms are coming up and he’s spent his days cooped up in the library studying his days and nights away. Doyoung’s not used to doing nothing and he doesn’t like the feeling of being alone. It makes him feel like he’s useless and not making good use of his time. Not that there's anything for him to do nowadays anyways, other than waiting by the phone hoping for some sort of miracle.

Doyoung nearly yelps and jumps off the couch in relief when he hears the front door open. Jaehyun nearly falls over in surprise at the speed Doyoung rushes to greet him at.

“Jaehyun, baby, you’re home,” he says, grabbing his hand before he can even get his shoes off, “are you busy tonight? Let’s go out, I need to get out of this apartment.”

Jaehyun gives a disbelieving laugh at Doyoung’s pleading, brushing him off to properly take his shoes and coat off.

“Calm down,” he says, “give me a minute to get properly settled in.”

Doyoung huffs impatiently, but backs off and settles himself back onto the couch where’s he’s already spent the better part of today brooding. He fidgets in place as he waits for Jaehyun to join him; it almost feels like his boyfriend is taking longer than necessary to purposely get on his nerves. Finally, Jaehyun makes his way to the couch, chuckling softly at his restless state.

“Okay now what did you want to do again?” he asks, “Go out? I’ve already eaten dinner though.”

Doyoung shakes his head, “No, I want to _go out_ and have fun. To a bar or club or something.”

Jaehyun sighs, “Aren’t you always going out though? To all those stupid parties and stuff?”

“It’s not the same,” he explains, grabbing one of Jaehyun’s hands with both of his own and bringing it close to him, “I wanna go out with _you_. Feels like we haven’t properly spent time together in forever.”

Jaehyun scratches the back of his head, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You know I have a big test on Monday.”

Doyoung latches onto the uncertainty in Jaehyun’s voice. He hasn’t given him a solid refusal, which means he still has a chance and Doyoung has a pretty good feeling he can convince him. He’s not a fool, he knows that Jaehyun’s always had a hard time saying no to him.

“I also know you’ve been studying all week for it,” he reasons, “and after tonight you can study for the rest of the weekend as well.”

Jaehyun bites his lip and Doyoung can tell that he’s considering it, so he continues, “You’ve been working so hard, you deserve a break. Also, I’ve _missed_ you.”

“Why can’t we just stay in then,” he tries to counter, “order some takeout and watch a movie like we always do?”

Doyoung fights the urge to sigh, “It’s been ages since you’ve properly gone out to have fun. Besides, you’ll just get distracted by your textbooks again if we stay at home.”

“I don’t know…”

“Please,” he says softly, making sure to carefully hold eye contact with Jaehyun, “we can go to that club we used to always go to when you were in first year, the one with the fruity mixed drinks you like.”

This causes Jaehyun to scoff, but Doyoung can tell he’s holding back a smile as well. “ _You’re_ the one that likes the fruity drinks, not me,” he retorts, before looking down with a pause, “I guess it has been forever since we’ve gone out hasn’t it.”

Doyoung reaches out to cup Jaehyun’s face with both his hands, knowing that he’s pretty much already won him over. “Well, we can both order the fruity drinks, how about that?” he says, sealing it with a kiss on Jaehyun’s lips and to muffle any further rebuttals he might try to come up with.

 

It’s not long before the pair are already seated at the bar, leaning against each other, with several rounds of said _fruity mixed drink_ cluttering the counter before them. Doyoung smirks at the rate Jaehyun is downing the drinks, even stealing the glass out of Doyoung’s hand after he’s polished off his own. He laughs at the way his lips are slightly stained purple from the drink and his entire face is flushed a shade redder, although Doyoung can’t say for certain he’s not the same.

He can tell how the alcohol is starting to affect Jaehyun from the way he’s giggling at nothing and gluing himself closer to Doyoung’s side. The clinginess almost reminds him of when they were kids, back when the two of them rarely left each other's sides. He likes this version of Jaehyun, free and happy and unburdened by school; Doyoung thinks it’s a shame he has to be drunk to be this way.

Nevertheless, he allows himself to bask in the rare brightness Jaehyun’s emitting, laughing along to his silly stories about classmates and ordering them another round. Maybe it’s the drinks or maybe it’s the fact that they are in an old familiar place, but Doyoung feels himself loosening up as well. His head doesn’t feel as heavy and the lingering sense of stress and anxiety he’s been carrying around for the past little while is no longer as suffocating.

“Let’s dance,” he says suddenly, he’s been nodding along to the music the entire time and his body twitches to get up and actually start properly moving.

Jaehyun quickly shakes his head and flushes even redder, “No Doyoung, you know I can’t dance. You can go by yourself, I’ll watch you.”

It’s too late, Doyoung’s no longer listening. He’s already half out of his seat and dragging Jaehyun by the hand with him. Right now there’s nothing else in the world he wished to do more than dance with Jaehyun and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to get his wish. As expected, Jaehyun gets up easily, albeit a little wobbly, out of his seat, and follows Doyoung towards the center of the dance floor.

He struggles to navigate the crowd in search of an empty spot for the two of them. It’s getting late so the floor is beginning to fill out quickly and he can tell Jaehyun is starting to become uncomfortable being squeezed in between all the bodies.

As they make their way to the front of the room, Doyoung spots a little platform off to the side, a makeshift stage of sorts. It’s free of people and he’s already feeling the wheels turning in his head as his feet automatically guide them towards it, a mischievous smile making its way onto his face. Jaehyun seems to notice this, reading his change in mood all too well and groaning loudly beside him.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he cries out when they arrive in front of the platform, but Doyoung ignores him and begins to climb on.

He notices a few eyes have begun to look his way and he takes it as an opportunity to begin to dance, swaying his hips to the beat. It comes naturally to him, being in the spotlight like this, and he briefly basks in the attention before turning his eyes back on Jaehyun, who is still standing below him, face half-covered by his own hands in embarrassment.

“Doyoungie, come down,” he whines, even stomping his feet a little.

Doyoung can’t help but laugh at how cute he looks before shaking his head. “Join me,” he yells loudly over the music, using his hands to beckon Jaehyun dance with him.

Jaehyun remains planted on the spot with a mildly horrified look on his face. “No way,” he says firmly, crossing his arms firmly over his chest to emphasize his point.

Not being one to give up, especially after all he’s already gotten Jaehyun this far, he decides to change his tactics.

“Your loss,” he says with shrug, “I guess I’ll just have to find someone else to dance with me.”

He makes an exaggerated action of scoping out the crowd, but before he can even make eye contact with anyone else, Jaehyun is already climbing onto the platform, grabbing tightly onto Doyoung for balance.

Doyoung smiles triumphantly, using his own hands to loosen Jaehyun’s vice-like grip on him and guiding his hands to rest lightly on his hips, before snaking his own arms around either side of Jaehyun’s neck and pulling him close.

“Relax,” he soothes quietly so only Jaehyun can hear, “just focus on me.”

Jaehyun swallows thickly but nods, focusing his gaze onto Doyoung’s face as Doyoung begins to guide them to move to the music. He starts off stiff and awkward and it takes a few minutes for him to loosen up, but he eventually begins to move on his own, even attempting to pull Doyoung closer and take the lead.

Doyoung thinks they probably look ridiculous right now, the way they are clumsily dancing together above the crowd, but from the hoots and cheers they are beginning to get, the rest of the club doesn’t seem to agree. Jaehyun giggles nervously at the attention, burying his face into Doyoung’s shoulder. He doesn’t stop dancing though, and from the smile he can feel against his shoulder, Doyoung can tell he’s having a good time.

He threads a hand into Jaehyun’s hair and carefully coaxes his face back up to look at him. The multicoloured lights of the club dance across Jaehyun’s face and _god he looks good right now_. He likes being able to show Jaehyun off like this, to rub in everyone’s faces that this beautiful, perfect man was all his. He doesn’t hesitate to use the same hand in his hair to crush their lips together messily, both sighing at the contact.

The combination of the alcohol and adrenaline and the fact that it’s been _far_ too long since they’ve done this makes the weight of Jaehyun’s lips against his feel extra satisfying. He wastes no time in slipping his tongue in Jaehyun’s mouth, and the other reciprocates eagerly, both revelling in the sensation of their tongues sliding together. Doyoung can faintly taste the sugar of the drinks on Jaehyun’s lips and wonders he tastes the same.

Jaehyun’s grip on his hips tighten and he pulls their bodies tight and flush against one another. Doyoung isn’t surprised to feel Jaehyun’s arousal slowly growing against his hip, knowing he’s already half-hard himself as well. He grinds down slightly, eliciting a slight moan from Jaehyun and sending shivers down his own spine.

It is only when he notices the cheers in the background getting louder, that he remembers where they are again. He freezes slightly, the shift in movement bringing Jaehyun back down to reality as well and he pulls back quickly, nearly tripping off the platform in the process. Doyoung holds on to him tightly as he regains his balance again, an amused smile spreading across his face.

“I think maybe we should head home before we give these people a show they certainly did not pay for,” Doyoung suggests with a raised eyebrow.

Jaehyun swats him lightly but nods with a shy smile, following him off the platform and towards the front door. A few people whistle and pat them on the back on their way out, and Doyoung makes sure to give Jaehyun’s hand in his a reassuring squeeze.

Doyoung’s heart does a little flip at the way Jaehyun smiles dopily at him as he calls for a cab to take them home. Doyoung tries his best to commit this image to his memory, with his lips swollen and bangs clinging to his sweaty forehead and face still flushed from the alcohol.

They wordlessly climb into the back of the cab, hands resting lightly on each other's knees, waiting patiently to be dropped off at home to continue what they both know will be a long night. Perhaps a few years ago, they wouldn’t have nearly as much restraint and would already started climbing on top of each other in the backseat, but Doyoung likes to think that they’ve both grown and learned the advantages to being patient. Besides, he figures they’ve already traumatized enough cab drivers for one lifetime.

Doyoung waits until they’ve both removed their shoes and locked the front door behind them before shoving Jaehyun against the wall and firmly reattaching their lips. He makes a little noise of surprise but quickly melts into the kiss, wrapping his arms tightly around Doyoung’s waist. It’s been a while since they’ve properly had sex and Doyoung is anxious to get on with it, and by the way Jaehyun’s hands have found their way under his shirt, he can tell he’s probably feeling the same way.

On one hand, he wants to strip him bare right here and fuck him until they both collapse, but he also kind of wants to take it slow, taking his time to kiss every inch of his skin that he’s missed so dearly.

“Bed,” Jaehyun suggests between kisses, “now.”

Jaehyun begins to guide Doyoung backward, now moving onto mouthing enthusiastically along his jaw and neck as he tries to push them in the direction of the bedroom. Doyoung however, has other plans. As nice as their bed is, he’s in the mood for something else, and quickly takes the lead away from Jaehyun, hands gripping tightly on his hips. If Jaehyun notices the change in direction, he doesn’t say anything and lets Doyoung lead them further into the living room, back until his ass hits the edge of the dining table with a dull thud.

Sensing the direction this was going in, Jaehyun loosens his own arms and momentarily separates himself from Doyoung to scoot onto the table behind him. Not a second later, Doyoung is crowding him again and settling snugly in-between his legs. Jaehyun eagerly wraps his legs around Doyoung’s hips to draw him in closer, groaning into each other’s mouths at the sensation of their clothed lengths rubbing against each other through the fabric.

Jaehyun tugs impatiently at the edge of Doyoung’s shirt in a poor attempt to pull it off. Doyoung chuckles at Jaehyun’s increasing restlessness and gently peels his hands off, savouring the kiss for one moment longer before detaching himself.

“Wait here,” he instructs and Jaehyun lets out a little whine that Doyoung shushes with a quick peck, “I’ll only be a second. Take off your clothes while you wait.”

He heads off into the bedroom and true to his word, returns not a moment later with a familiar bottle in hand. Jaehyun, with his clothes tossed carelessly aside on the floor and now dressed in nothing but his boxers, looks almost too casual with the way he’s sitting on top of the table with his legs dangling. If it weren’t for the fact that he was nearly naked, or the visible outline of his half-hard cock through the fabric of his boxers, it would be hard to tell that he was waiting there to be fucked.

“Off the table, baby,” Doyoung says as he approaches Jaehyun, who wordlessly hops off the table to stand in front of Doyoung.

He sets the bottle of lube aside and focusing on admiring Jaehyun in all his naked glory instead. He flushes slightly under his gaze but doesn’t make any move to cover himself. Doyoung rests a hand lightly on the curve of his jaw, keeping his touch light as he slowly drags his hand down his neck and chest, taking his time to gently ghost over each nipple with his thumb. Jaehyun shudders under the touch and reaches out to Doyoung, once again trying to grab at his shirt and whining at how he’s still fully dressed.

Doyoung ignores Jaehyun’s wandering hands and pauses his gentle ministrations to take a strong hold of Jaehyun’s waist and spin him around in one smooth motion so that his back is facing him. He firmly presses a palm in the centre of Jaehyun’s back to push him down, until his chest is parallel to the table he’s bracing himself with his hands flat in front of him. Doyoung takes the opportunity to take a step forward and grind his rapidly hardening cock against his ass, not missing the way Jaehyun shamelessly presses back.

He slides a hand under the waistband of his boxers, pulling it down slightly to grope at the curve of his firm ass, leaning forward to place light kisses on his shoulder blades in the process.

“Doyoung please,” Jaehyun says breathlessly, pressing back harder with his ass to emphasize his need.

Doyoung hums and backs away enough to slip Jaehyun’s boxers down to his feet, sinking to his own knees the process. Jaehyun sucks in a breath when he realizes Doyoung’s change is position, tensing up in anticipation. Doyoung presses his lips to one side of his ass to try to sooth the tension, relishing at the softness of the flesh, before moving to the other side to do the same. He uses his hands in the meantime to gently massage each up of his thighs, making sure to stop right before he reaches his crotch.

“Man, I love your ass,” he says out loud and Jaehyun lets out an embarrassed scoff.

“Just get on with it,” he whines, trying to wiggle his ass as an enticement.

Doyoung rolls his eyes but moves his hands up to take a hold of either side of his ass to gently spread his cheeks apart to reveal his puckered hole. He leans forward, pausing for a second to enjoy the shiver Jaehyun releases at the feeling of his warm breath against him, before closing the distance to press his lips over his rim.

The high-pitched whine Jaehyun lets out is music to his ears as he slips his tongue out to tease around the rim, appreciating the way his hole twitches at the contact. It’s rare he has Jaehyun before him like this, but each time he does he wonders why he doesn’t do it more often. Getting his ass eaten always made Jaehyun lose his mind like nothing else could; Doyoung had barely started and Jaehyun legs were already starting to tremble.

Doyoung presses more insistently against his hole, breaching the first ring of muscle and begins to lazily thrust his tongue in and out, earning him a series of incoherent babbles from Jaehyun. He reaches over to grab the lube, flicking the cap open and squeezing a fair amount into his hand. He makes sure the warm it up in his palm first, knowing how sensitive Jaehyun is, before sneaking his hand around to fully encircle his cock, pleasantly surprised to find it already fully hard and leaking slightly at the tip.

Jaehyun lets out a choked sob at the unexpected contact and Doyoung starts to lightly jerk him off, making sure to continue the work with his tongue at the same time. Jaehyun’s hips stutter slightly as he struggles between fucking into Doyoung’s palm or pressing back harder into his tongue. Doyoung knows he must be overwhelmed with sensations right now and even after all this time, he still feels a little proud of himself for being able to do _that_. He might not know a lot, but he knows music and Jaehyun’s body, which was all he really needed anyway.

He retracts his hand from Jaehyun’s cock and pulls his mouth off at once, ignoring the noise of protest he makes. Instead, he focuses on squeezing a generous amount of lube over his fingertips, slicking them up before pressing against his hole, tracing the outside slightly before pushing it all the way in one go. It slides inside easily after the work from his tongue and he moves it around briefly before deciding to slip a second finger in as well.

As much as he had fun teasing Jaehyun earlier, his own cock is straining in his pants right now and begging for attention. He quickens the movement of his fingers, pumping them in and out rapidly the way he knows Jaehyun likes it, purposely missing the spot he wants it the most. He knows that once he starts working there, Jaehyun is done for and he’d quite rather Jaehyun come from his cock instead of his fingers tonight. Jaehyun realizes what he’s doing with an annoyed huff and tries to take matters into his own hands by shifting his ass, which Doyoung quickly stills by grabbing a firm hold onto his hip with his other hand.

Doyoung adds a third finger and he curses, knowing Jaehyun is beginning to feel the stretch with how he clenches tightly around his fingers and he spreads them around to open him up more. His own cock is now throbbing with anticipation of what’s to come. He removes the hand on Jaehyun’s hip and begins to palm himself over his hands, hoping to momentarily satiate his own need as he finished prepping Jaehyun.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun whimpers as his fingers just barely graze over his prostate, “just fuck me already.”

That’s all the encouragement he needs to slip his fingers out, taking a moment to watch his hole clench around nothing, before standing up and making quick work of undoing the fastening of his jeans, pulling down his boxers just enough to free his cock. He sighs in relief at the feeling of finally being free from the confines of his pants and doesn’t hold back the moan the falls from his own lips as he wraps his hand around his own cock to slick it up slightly with the residual lube left on it.

Jaehyun makes another noise of complaint at this, and Doyoung chuckles at his impatience as if he wasn’t just as eager to start the real fun as well. He presses the tip of his cock against his rim, which twitches in response. While he normally would drag this process on for a little longer just to get a reaction out of Jaehyun, he figures they’ve waited long enough tonight and begins to push in slowly, groaning at the feeling of being enveloped in Jaehyun’s warm heat.

He bottoms out with ease, not bothering to give Jaehyun a moment to adjust, knowing he doesn’t need it, before pulling out halfway and thrusting back in again. The sound of their combined moans ring in his ears as he repeats this, taking a hold of Jaehyun’s hips for better leverage.

A particularly hard thrust knocks Jaehyun onto his elbows with a loud thud, and from the way his ass clenches around his cock tightly, he knows he found the right spot. Doyoung continues to drive into him at the same angle, increasing both the speed and the strength. Jaehyun’s moans trail off until they are barely audible gasps and his elbows begin to give way as well, sliding out from underneath him under his chest is flat against the table.

Doyoung’s own pleasure is beginning to catch up on him, creeping up his spine and down every single nerve ending in his body. He knows he’s not going to last long today, it’s been far too long since he’s jerked off, let alone had sex, but he’s not too worried, knowing Jaehyun probably just as bad, if not worse, by the way his knees are starting to shake. He makes sure to tighten his grip around Jaehyun’s hips in case he falls over.

Doyoung leans forward to leave kisses down his spine and over his back, sucking the occasional mark onto the pale skin, marvelling at how it turns purple with ease. He smiles at the way Jaehyun’s lying with his cheek flat on the table, a puddle of drool forming at the corner of his mouth. If only he could reach out and...Doyoung pauses his thrusts and Jaehyun nearly cries in frustration at the loss of movement. Something doesn’t feel right, he thinks and pulls all the way out.

“What are you-” Jaehyun immediately objects, but Doyoung is quick to interrupt.

“Turn around,” he commands, “get back on the table.”

Jaehyun mutters a noise of complaint but complies, gingerly peeling himself off the table, turning around on wobbly legs, and climbing back on so that his ass is seated right the edge.

“Good boy,” Doyoung mummers as he pushes Jaehyun knees apart and begins to line himself up again with his hole.

He pushes in with one long thrust, scooping Jaehyun’s legs up from under his knees to push them higher and further apart. The irritated furrow in Jaehyun’s brow immediately disappears and he throws his head back in pleasure again, grinding forward to meet each one of Doyoung’s thrusts.

As much as he enjoys the sight of Jaehyun’s face twisted in pleasure, it’s not the reason why he’s changed their position. He tilts his head forward and makes a noise at the back of his throat to catch Jaehyun’s attention, whose eyes quickly fly own, pupils blown out with lust as he stares back at him.

It doesn’t take him longer than a second to realize what Doyoung wants, and he eagerly obliges, smashing their lips together and licking his way into his mouth. Doyoung moans into his mouth, picking up the pace of his hip, he always did like kissing the most.

He feels his own thrusts faltering, so he snakes a hand between them to wrap around Jaehyun’s cock, making sure to keep their lips attached at the same thing. It barely takes two strokes before Jaehyun is whining out Doyoung’s name and coming hard, shooting out streams of hot cum over his hand and own stomach.

It takes a few more thrusts for Doyoung to follow with a groan of Jaehyun’s name, hips stilling to a slow grind as he rides out his pleasure and empties himself inside Jaehyun.

Neither bothers to move as they lazily make out for a few minutes, basking in the afterglow. Uncaring that it’s still covered in various fluids, Doyoung uses his hands to properly cup Jaehyun’s face as they kiss, enjoying the simple feeling of his lips against his own.

He uses his last semblance of willpower to finally pull themselves apart, knowing they should get cleaned up soon before the cum dried uncomfortably on Jaehyun’s stomach. If anything, they could make out again in bed once they were cleaned up.

“I told you it was a good idea to go out tonight.”


	3. Endings

Doyoung isn’t surprised to find Jaehyun huddled over his desk with his books and notes sprawled out around him when he wakes up. It’s already almost 1 pm when he shuffles sleepily out of the bedroom towards his boyfriend. He’s been waking up later and later these days, mostly stemming from his continuous struggle to sleep at night. He was lucky to even be able to fall asleep in his own bed last night, most nights he’s not so lucky and Jaehyun’s taken to setting out a blanket and pillow on the couch for the nights he passes out there writing lyrics.

“Morning baby,” he says with a yawn, walking up behind him and placing his hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders in greeting, “did you just get back from class?”

“I did, but you were too busy sleeping past noon to notice. As always,” he mutters in reply but doesn’t bother to turn around and look at Doyoung.

His eyes remained glued to the sheet of notes in front of him and his posture is tense. He can tell there is something bothering him and he begins to gently massage his shoulders in an attempt to relieve the tension. Jaehyun immediately shakes his hands off with an irritated “stop”. 

Doyoung’s mouth hardens into a frown, it’s rare for Jaehyun to be so standoffish. “What’s wrong?” he asks simply.

Jaehyun sighs but the pen in his hand stills. He turns to face Doyoung with an exasperated look on his face. He looks tired, dark circles under his eyes prominent and his skin is paler than normal. 

“I didn’t do as well on my test as I would have hoped,” he explains, “now I have to make it up by studying twice as hard for the next one.”

Doyoung’s frown deepens, he already thinks Jaehyun buries himself in work so he can’t imagine how he could possibly study any harder than he already has. As much as he respects that Jaehyun is working hard to get into law school, sometimes he thinks his boyfriend could take a step back and relax a bit. At this rate, he was going to burn out before he even finished his undergrad.

Doyoung walks around to seat himself at the edge of Jaehyun’s table to get a better look at him, careful not to disrupt any of his books or notes. Nevertheless, Jaehyun looks a little irritated at the action.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he tries to reason to Jaehyun, “you’ve already done enough.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes and looks back down on his notes, “That’s not true. I shouldn’t have gone out with you last Friday. I wasted a whole night and the morning after too when I could have been studying.”

Doyoung clenches his jaw at this and ignores how much the words hurt. It was the best night they’ve had in ages and now Jaehyun was saying that he regretted it? He tries to hold out hope in the fact that it’s just the stress talking and he doesn’t really mean it. 

“You don’t mean that,” he starts, “You tried your best and I’m sure you’ll do fine on the next one without working yourself to the ground.”

But Jaehyun doesn’t listen, he just scoffs and keeps on writing. Doyoung hops off the desk and walks closer to Jaehyun. He carefully cups a hand under Jaehyun’s cheek and lifts his chin up to look at him, using his other hand to gently comb through his thick mess of hair in the way he knows relaxes him. 

“You need to loosen up,” he suggests, “I can help you relax.”

Jaehyun allows him to continue to card his hand through his hair for a minute and Doyoung almost thinks it’s working and he’s calming him when he abruptly pulls away from Doyoung’s grasp.

“Relaxing is what me into this shit in the first place,” he grumbles under his breath.

“Jaehyun please,” he sighs, “you’re allowed to give yourself breaks. It’s not the end of the world.”

“Doyoung stop,” Jaehyun says suddenly, raising his voice for the first time, “you wouldn’t understand.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks defensively with his hands on his hips, even though he already has an inkling what Jaehyun is trying to refer to.

“You know exactly what I mean,” he replies harshly, “you can’t even stay in school long enough to understand a fraction of the pressure I’m under right now.”

“So we’re back at this again? Are you really still mad at me for dropping my classes?”

He should have known Jaehyun would bring it back to this. He still remembers how adamantly against it Jaehyun had been when he had told him he had dropped his part-time classes at the university in favour of focusing on the band. It was the cause of one of their first big fights; he cringes to think back on some of the choice words that were exchanged, and while they both made up and apologized afterwards, he knows Jaehyun hasn’t fully let go of it. Sometimes, when he’s at home with nothing to do, he catches Jaehyun looking at him with a sort of sad, almost disappointed look on his face. 

“It’s not just that,” Jaehyun answers, whipping his head up to look Doyoung in the eyes, “What are you even doing right now? You drop your classes when they get the slightest bit challenging, just to do what? Focus on your band? I hardly ever see you practicing these days and all you do is go to those stupid parties, drinking and chatting up sleazy record executives hoping for a miracle. And then you just spend the rest of your time lazing around at home. I know things have been hard for you and I said that I would take care of the majority of the rent, but you barely even work one shift a week these days.”

Doyoung doesn’t know what to say. He can’t even deny what Jaehyun is saying, he knows he’s been slacking off, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less to hear the words coming out from his boyfriend’s mouth. He can’t help but hear the underlying message behind it all;  _ I’m disappointed in you _ . It’s something he’s had a sneaking suspicion Jaehyun been feeling for a while now and his words are right now are only helping to fuel this belief.

When Doyoung doesn’t reply Jaehyun decides to keep talking, “So please, don’t bother me just because you have nothing else to do. You need to figure your own shit out and let me study in peace.”

Doyoung opens his mouth on instinct to tell Jaehyun off for being so rude but decides to hold back. He looks like he’s tired and done with the conversation and if Doyoung’s honest, he doesn’t have any will left to argue either. 

“I understand,” is all he says instead before walking away.

He sends a quick message to Johnny that he’ll be coming over and begins to gather his things and get ready for the day.

If this is truly what Jaehyun wants, then maybe it’s best for Doyoung to stay out of the house so he can focus on his work. He gave it a shot and now the last thing he wants to do is overstep and upset Jaehyun more than he already has.

 

Johnny greets him cheerfully when he arrives at his shared apartment with his brother. Mark isn’t home today and Doyoung is mildly thankful for that. As much as he likes the younger boy’s company, he wasn’t exactly the most emotionally intelligent creature in the world. It’s not often he comes over anymore since they’ve cut down on band practice and he can tell Johnny is curious as to what brings Doyoung here so unexpectedly today.

“Trouble in paradise?” Johnny asks jokingly as soon as he’s settled in and Doyoung to curse at him for reading him so easily.

“We got into a little argument,” he explains with a sigh, “how’d you know this was about Jaehyun.”

Johnny chuckles, “Everything in your life is about Jaehyun. Plus you seem sort of extra weighed down today and no one else affects you, whether positively or negatively, quite like he does, so I figured it had to be something to do with him.”

Doyoung flops down dramatically onto on armchair and buries his face into a cushion. “He’s just been so focused on school lately that we hardly have time to ourselves. And when we finally have a chance to go out, he goes and tells me he regrets it afterwards and wished he could have used the time to study instead. I know how much he cares about his studies and I respect that but I just  _ miss  _ him sometimes, you know?”

Johnny perches himself on the edge of the armchair as well and places a reassuring hand on Doyoung’s back. “It’s just a rough patch, I’m sure you’ll get through it. You two love each other too much not to.”

Doyoung laughs bitterly at this because it’s what he always tells himself after every one of their rare disagreements. Usually, he believes it because it’s true, he’s never doubted for a second either of their feelings towards each other and isn’t about to now. But something just feels different this time, Johnny’s words don’t reassure him like they should and he can’t help but feel a sense of doubt creeping up his spine and whispering in his ear that maybe  _ being in love isn’t enough _ .

Maybe it’s the fact that they’ve never argued about real problems before and never really had any to argue over anyway. Maybe it’s because today’s conversation just feels too real and relevant to his own growing insecurities that he can’t seem to let it go as easily.

“I think he wants me to give up on this whole band thing,” he whispers, afraid to even voice the thought out loud.

Johnny sucks in a deep breath but doesn’t say anything.

“I’m starting to think that maybe I should give it up as well.”

This time Johnny speaks up, voice sounding tight, “We just gotta hold out a little bit longer. Our time will come soon, I can feel it.”

Doyoung hums affirmatively into the cushion although he’s not sure if he believes Johnny or not. He hopes he’s right, if just for the sake of his sanity. He also hopes Jaehyun gets over whatever he’s going through as soon as possible. He doesn’t like being away from home or from Jaehyun for too long. Although he has a feeling he’s going to have no choice but to avoid his own home for the next little while, at least until after Jaehyun’s next test.

 

The next few weeks drag on mind-numbingly slow for Doyoung. He’s been avoiding Jaehyun, giving him space to study and focus on school, not wanting to put him more on edge than he already is. It’s not too hard, seeing as they already go to sleep and wake up different times. Doyoung isn’t sure if he’s sad or thankful for the fact that they bought such a big bed. He spends most of his days at Johnny’s place; they sometimes try to write songs but mostly just play video games and eat bad pizza. He’s even picked up a few more shifts at the record shop to help pass the time, figuring it’s what Jaehyun would have wanted.

On the rare occasions when they are both at home, their conversations are awkward and don’t go beyond small talk. He thinks that they are both afraid to say something that will upset the other, and choose to hold their tongues as a result. 

He can tell it’s taking a toll on Jaehyun too, his skin looks paler and while he’s normally the type to try and get in his eight hours of sleep a night, lately he’s barely averaging five. He wants to say something but is worried that if he does, Jaehyun will only get defensive again. 

It’s so dull without Jaehyun’s constant presence, and even if they weren’t glued to each other 24/7 before, he still misses his laugh during dinners of shared takeout, and arms wrapped securely around him at night. 

-

Jaehyun smiles at him from across the table, raising his glass so they can clink them together before both taking a long sip of the overpriced wine. Doyoung doesn’t think it tastes much different from any other wine, but Jaehyun seems to be enjoying it so he figures that’s all that matters. They haven’t properly had a meal together like this since their fight over a month ago, so Doyoung wants to make the most of it. Even if they are at an unnecessarily fancy restaurant with a menu full of overly complicated dishes that Doyoung only slightly understands.

He lets Jaehyun take the lead and order for him, trusting his boyfriend to know what he’d want to eat. After all, they  _ are _ celebrating Jaehyun tonight and the submission of a big paper he’s been working on. It’s his one free night in a long time and according to Jaehyun, he wants to  _ make it special _ and  _ properly treat Doyoung _ for once.

Doyoung nearly cried with happiness when Jaehyun had first brought up the dinner the other day. It feels like a long time coming, especially after the terrible month they’ve both had. It’s only recently that things have started to go back to normal since their little disagreement, and he can’t help but wonder if Jaehyun’s brought him out tonight partly out of guilt and as an apology for the past month. They haven’t formally talked it and Doyoung thinks it’s probably for the best. He prefers not to dwell on the memory.

Especially now that they are happy and smiling and properly enjoying each other’s company for the first time in forever. They laugh as they race to scarf down their tiny portions of food and make fun of the waiters’ uniforms. It feels so natural and comfortable, he wonders how he’s lasted over a month without it.

“I missed you,” Jaehyun says quietly during a lull in the conversation, “I know you didn’t go anywhere, but it hasn’t been the same lately.”

Doyoung nods in understanding, “me too, Jaehyun, me too.”

They leave it at that, distracted and holding back fits of giggles at the stuffy looking couple dining beside them currently threatening to sue the restaurant for getting their order wrong. They both know this is not their crowd and Doyoung is already plotting to ask Jaehyun to go get McDonald's with him afterwards. 

Doyoung’s phone rings, interrupting their shared smiles at the scene before them and as with everything in his life lately, Doyoung should have figured this night wasn’t going to go his way.

He has half a mind to reject the call at first and return his focus to Jaehyun and the dinner, but he notices the caller ID is Johnny and Johnny never calls him, so something in his gut urges him to answer instead. He sends Jaehyun an apologetic look and he nods in understanding, probably having noticed the furrow in Doyoung’s brow.

“Johnny?” he answers, “Why are you calling me? I’m having dinner with Jaehyun right now.”

“ _ You weren’t answering my texts _ ,” Johnny half-yells in explanation, he can hear music playing and sounds of other people talking in the background through the speaker, “ _ You need to head to the club Cherry Bomb right now. Remember that talent scout you met a few months ago, Jeremy Park? He’s here and wants to hear us play live. I think we have a serious chance here. _ ”

He can hear the desperation in Johnny’s tone and he’s about to agree and rush over to club when his eyes flicker over Jaehyun. He has a concerned look on his face and suddenly Doyoung’s mouth feels dry. He couldn’t just ditch him in the middle of the lovely dinner they were having, could he?

“I don’t know, Johnny,” he says hesitantly, “I told you I’m out with Jaehyun right now, I can’t just leave.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth Jaehyun’s eyes darken and his face falls into a frown. He’s caught on to what’s going on and Doyoung can already tell this night wasn’t going to go so smoothly after all.

“ _ Please Doyoung, _ ” Johnny nearly begs, “ _ this might be our last chance. I’m sure Jaehyun will understand. I have to hang up now but just make sure you're at the club in half an hour. We are all counting on you. _ ”

Doyoung sighs as he hears Johnny hang up. He’s right, this could very well be their last opportunity and he knows he’s going to regret it if he doesn’t take it. He knows he  _ has _ to go to the club but explaining that to his pouting boyfriend wasn’t going to be easy.

“Johnny says this big talent scout is at the club he’s at right now and wants to hear us play,” he begins to explain slowly, “he thinks we have a real chance of getting signed by him.”

Jaehyun raises his eyebrows, “Right now? Can’t you reschedule this to another day or at least wait until after dinner?”

Doyoung shakes his head, “I need to be there in half an hour. I know it’s last minute, but these opportunities never come up and I can’t let the band down.”

He can see Jaehyun’s eyes softening slightly, he’s thinking it over in his head. He knows how important this is to Doyoung and perhaps a year or two ago, he would have been pushing Doyoung to leave the restaurant and calling the taxi for him. But it’s not, and times have changed and so has Jaehyun’s standpoint on Doyoung’s dream. 

That glimmer of hope that Jaehyun would simply let him leave peacefully is dashed when Doyoung sees his eyes narrow once again.

“Talent scout?” he asks, “Is this the same one Yuta was telling me about a little while ago? The one who had his hands all over you at that party?”

Doyoung’s eyes widen in surprise and any response he would have given gets stuck in his throat. He had no idea Jaehyun knew anything about night. He’d never brought it up before and he briefly wonders if this is the reason why Jaehyun has been so against him going out to parties and really doing anything related to his band lately.

Jaehyun takes his silence as an answer. “Doyoung, I think you should stay away from him. Don’t go, it’s not worth it.”

While he had been expecting some resistance, to hear such an adamant refusal rendered him stunned and a little insulted. 

“I have to go, it’s our last chance.”

“Then maybe it’s not meant to be,” he pushes on, “You’ve been working at this for how many years now and you’re still not any closer than when you started. Don’t you think maybe it’s time to move on and find something else?”

Doyoung can’t believe his ears right now. While he’s always had a hunch that Jaehyun felt this way, it wasn’t quite the same to hear is actually verbalized into words. If it was the other way around and Doyoung was asking Jaehyun to give up his dream, he’d probably be absolutely livid right now. Even more so than Doyoung right now.

“Are you jealous?” he asks heatedly, “Is that what it is? You know I’d never do anything with him.”

“What the hell, no,” Jaehyun scoffs and shakes his head in disbelief, “I’m worried that he’s going to take advantage of you.”

Now it’s Doyoung turn to look at Jaehyun in disbelief, “You really that low of me? That I would just let some sleazebag have his way with me because he’s offering me a record deal? I know how this industry works and I know how to handle myself.”

“It sure didn’t seem that way when you let him put his hands on you at that party,” he accuses bitterly in response.

“Do you want to come with me?” he raises his voice and notices a few people have turned their heads towards them,  _ oh great _ , now  _ they’re _ the spectacle of the restaurant, “You can come to supervise if you want. Make sure the big, bad label exec doesn’t lay a finger on poor, helpless Doyoung.”

Jaehyun laughs but there’s no humour in his voice, “As if I’d want to watch you bat your lashes and flirt with some middle-aged pervert hiding behind a mask of money and power.”

Doyoung’s stomach churns in disgust and he fights down to urge to cry and throw up, he’s sure even Jaehyun knows he’s taken it a step too far by the way his scowl falters and fails to keep eye contact any longer. The air suddenly feels thick and Doyoung feels like he can’t breathe.

Jaehyun’s approval be damned. He was going to go to that club and put on the best performance of his life and get them a record deal. The chair screeches loudly when he stands up, eyes not leaving Jaehyun’s face. The restaurant is completely silent now, everyone collectively holding their breath waiting for Doyoung’s next move.

“Thanks for dinner,” he spits out, “now if you’ll excuse me, I have more important business to attend to.”

With that, he stalks out of the restaurant without so much as a second glance, hailing the first taxi he sees and climbing in, trying to clear his mind of all thoughts of Jaehyun and focus on his future.

 

Doyoung almost doesn’t come home that night. Johnny had made the tempting offer for him to crash on his couch and he almost accepted, unsure if Jaehyun would even allow him to come home. But Doyoung is also a little tipsy and he’s had a long night and all he wants to do is see his boyfriend and sleep in his own bed, regardless of whether they had just had the biggest fight of their lives or not.

He creeps into the apartment quietly, it’s late and he kind of hopes that Jaehyun is already asleep. As much as he’s itching to see him, he’s doesn’t think he’s ready to properly face him yet. His whole body aches at just the thought of Jaehyun’s last words to him.

He stumbles into the bedroom, not missing the way the lump on the bed shifts as soon as he enters.  _ He’s awake.  _ Ignoring him for now, Doyoung grabs a change of clothes heads into their shared bathroom to get ready for bed. He splashes cool water on his face in an attempt to calm down his racing heart. He doesn’t know where he stands with Jaehyun right now. As much as he’s still upset with him, all he wants is for things to go back to normal again. If only he could shut off the voice in his head telling him that they’ve gone past the point of no return.

Doyoung hesitantly climbs into bed once he’s all cleaned up, pulling the sheets all the way up to his neck. He lies on his side facing the back of Jaehyun’s head but makes sure to keep a fair distance between them. This is how they’ve been sleeping for a while now and even now he can’t get used to it. Jaehyun’s entire body stiffens at his presence and all he wants to do is reach for him.

“How was it?” Jaehyun whispers, taking Doyoung by surprise. 

He had not been expecting Jaehyun to say anything to him, at least not for a few days if their last fight was anything to go by.

“It went well,” he says awkwardly because that was the truth.

They played a good show, shook hands with Jeremy and all his associates, and booked a meeting in two weeks to talk about contracts. Despite the success of the night, Doyoung can’t bring himself to feel very happy. While he might be one step closer to making his dreams come true, he can’t ignore the feeling that he’s lost something very important tonight as well.

Jaehyun doesn’t reply, but he remains tense. Doyoung knows this isn’t the answer he’s looking for. He sighs irritatedly.

“For the record, he didn’t even touch me. If that’s what you’re really asking,” and Jaehyun’s shoulders finally relax, not long before his breathing slows down to an even rhythm.

Doyoung doesn’t get any sleep that night. 

-

“I think we need to take a break.”

It’s the first thing Jaehyun says when Doyoung enters their apartment. He’s not even supposed to be home right now, he’s never home at this time; it’s usually spent in the library with his study group so the fact that he’s sitting on the couch, waiting for Doyoung to come home just to drop this bomb is a little surprising. More surprising than his words themselves.

Doyoung sits down quietly at the other end of the couch as he tries to process the words.

It’s been weeks of tip-toeing around each other, sad glances, and dropped conversations. Neither have even bothered to try apologizing and it’s been so long that Doyoung doubts either of them will. Doyoung feels like he’s being suffocated in his own home. Sure, things are finally going his way with the band, but if he can’t even share his successes with his  _ boyfriend _ , then sometimes he wonders what the point of it all was. Not that Jaehyun even felt like his boyfriend these days.

So it really comes as no surprise that Jaehyun announces he wants a break. Doyoung’s almost been expecting it, hell, he’s even dabbled with the idea of bringing it up himself. He has reasoned that maybe some time apart will do them good to clear their minds and come back stronger than ever.

Despite all this, it doesn’t make him any less angry or hurt to hear Jaehyun say the words out loud. Because now it makes it real and forces them to face the reality of their slowly crumbling relationship head-on.

“I think we’ve both noticed that we’re growing apart,” Jaehyun continues slowly, not daring to look up at Doyoung, “our lives are just too different now. I need to focus on school and you’ve been distracting me.”

Doyoung remains quiet, he’s not sure he can speak even if he wanted to.

“This is all I’ve ever wanted and I just can’t afford any distractions right now.”

And it’s as if a switch has been flipped, a culmination of all the pent up anger and despair at the state of their relationship for the past few months, and in this exact moment, Doyoung can feel his heart ripping in two. He doesn’t want to take a break, he doesn’t want to be apart from Jaehyun, he doesn’t want anything except for things to go back to the way they were. 

“I thought  _ I _ was all you ever wanted,” he chokes out and his heart clenches at the way Jaehyun’s entire face falls.

He’s gripping the armrest of the couch tightly in one hand and still, he refuses to look up at Doyoung. 

“It’s just a break.”

Doyoung scoffs because it’s never  _ just  _ a break. He knows how these things work, he knows that if they part ways today, it was going to be the end and there was no way he was just going to take this, not without a fight.

“Is this really what you want?” he asks weakly, “So you’re just throwing away over a decade and a half of friendship for what? For school? I’ve never been a distraction before, so what’s changed? Is it me? Is it the band?”

He can hear how desperate his own voice is, he’s breathing heavy and he can feel tears threaten to prick his eyes. 

“I can quit the band if that’s what you want, find something else instead like you said. We can work it out.” he’s not sure if he means it, but it doesn’t feel like he has any other choice. If there was one thing he couldn’t lose, it was Jaehyun.

“Doyoung…” Jaehyun says quietly and he sounds just as wrecked, “we’ve both changed. We need this, we need to take a step back to figure out what we both need.”

No, Doyoung knows what he needs and it certainly isn’t this, “I need  _ you _ , Jaehyun. That’s all I’ve ever needed and that’s all I’ll ever need. Don’t you remember your promise to me, on the night of our first kiss, that you’d never leave me? We’re Doyoung and Jaehyun, best friends since we were 5 and 6, I don’t even know how to live my life without you. I  _ love _ you.”

He waits, waits for Jaehyun to apologize and take back his words and hug him and tell him that they’ll be okay. He knows it’s a fanciful hope but at the very least he wants to hear Jaehyun say  _ I love you  _ back.

Instead, he remains silent, his gaze on the floor as turned stony and expressionless, and any fight left in Doyoung’s body just leaves him when he realizes he wasn’t going to say it back, he wasn’t going to say anything back.

He doesn’t even try to hold back the sob that comes out, it’s loud and pathetic but tears have already started falling and all he can do now is let them fall. He unclasps the necklace around his neck and carelessly thrusts it onto the coffee table.

Finally, Jaehyun’s looking up at him, an expression of shock in his eyes because they both know Doyoung never cries. He’s never even seen him tear up, let alone break down into sobs and it’s all because of him. Doyoung sees now that his eyes are wet and red-rimmed as well, fat teardrops clinging to his lashes and for just a moment, Doyoung wants to reach out and wipe them away. 

But he doesn’t, because he’s still angry, he’s still devastated and if Jaehyun doesn’t want him anymore, he wasn’t going to force him to be with him. A voice in the back of head tells him that he’s giving up, but Doyoung is just so exhausted from the past few months he can’t bring himself to try any harder. Not when it was becoming evident that Jaehyun wasn’t going to change his mind.  _ This was the end. _

“Fine,” Doyoung spits out, “have it your way. See if this fucking break helps because I know for a fact that it won’t. And then you’ll just have to live with the fact that you broke us up because you were too much of a coward to face our issues head-on.”

He gets up and stalks towards the bedroom in search of a duffle bag, pain and anger coursing still coursing through his body but he just brushes it off. Jaehyun gets up as well and follows him, hovering from a safe distance away and watching as Doyoung shoves handfuls of clothes into the bag. 

“I’ll be at Johnny’s,” Doyoung announces, not even sure why he’s bothering to tell Jaehyun any of this, “I’ll send Mark to grab the rest of my stuff tomorrow.”

Jaehyun takes in his appearance as he stands in the doorway, duffle bag in hand and guitar case strapped onto his back. Doyoung notices a new emotion flicker over his eyes.  _ Fear? Regret? _ Maybe he’s finally realized the mistake he’s making, he thinks bitterly. It doesn’t matter, it’s too late now, Doyoung’s already made up  _ his _ mind. 

“Just give me some time,” Jaehyun sighs before Doyoung steps out of the door, “A few months at most, I promise I’ll call you when I’m ready.”

The door slams loudly behind him.

-

Doyoung waits a month. His days are filled practicing with the band and writing songs as they begin their contract negotiations with the record label. 

_ Jaehyun doesn’t call. _

Doyoung waits three months. The record deal is all but solidified now and the band celebrates with never-ending parties and champagne.

_ Jaehyun doesn’t call. _

Doyoung waits six months. They’ve confirmed the release date for their first album and Doyoung finds a new home in the recording studio. 

_ Jaehyun still doesn’t call. _

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to yell at me, although I'm sure some of you had an idea that this was coming. Fret not, their story is not over because there is a sequel, "Encore" so go read that now!
> 
>  
> 
> [♫](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ig2R_LUvosI)  
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